I watched a local wrestling show on TV at 12:30 AM on a Saturday.

Previously on GCW!

Fat guys fight! Zomg a biker fat guy with a taser! And a man with a German accent?

A manager talks about opponents named THUNDERHORSE and CRITTER. And they're filming the backstage vignettes like TNA does.

Adam Roberts is an NWA belt holder. Sgt. Hammer is his opponent. Buff Bagwell is in the opening credits. So is Sgt. Hammer, who is a fun ripoff. MAD DOG DAN SAWYER and EL PROFESSOR are our announcers. (So, by definition, it is a Latin stereotype accent.)

JOHNNY SWINGER is in the first match. Johnny Swinger is still alive, guys. He looks in decent shape, maybe. He looks like a damned giant. This intro took a long ass time. His opponent is JOEY LIGHTNING from Birmingham. There's no ring intros? I'm lost.

A Beyond Ringside poster is seen. Good for Fast Eddie. Shoutout to David Smith.

OH, the intros are after they come out. That's a very cool touch. And cool cheap pops for the Bama boy Lightning. GCW has already got some things right. The film quality to it is really cool, much better than the last local wrestling show I remember seeing forever ago. Also, they either hired short refs or tall wrestlers. That's a fine fine touch to make them look larger than life. Basic start, Swinger knows how to go on auto-pilot, it seems. I'm seriously not telling you all the moves, since I don't know them and this would be the most boring recap ever, for serious.

OH SHIT, OLD GUY NAMED PEANUTS. He's yelling at the heel. The match is still some rather basic submissions. It's oddly very AWA TV opener. El Professor with the absurd nut shot followup, “This will not make Mrs. Lightning very happy.” I don't think a single person in this crowd knows who Swinger is, though. And an Alabama joke! “I saw Ruben Studdard at the Piggly Wiggly, he had a gallon of potato salad.”

Johnny Swinger has clawed the back. It's 12:43 AM and we're still on the opener. The ref's name is Rob Russo and I don't think I've heard a Vince Russo joke yet, which might be for the best. Joey's a young fella who has potential. He reminds me a lot of Kenny King, actually. A couple years and a more fun name and you never know. And a heel turn, maybe. And a ref sees the handful of tights! Non-incompetent refs?

And Joey Lightning gets a fast count with a win at 12:47 AM. A bit of an anticlimax, doesn't really put over either man, but that's cool regardless, since there seems to be a ref storyline. Oh, El Professor has a mask on as he commentates. I'm a bit disappointed Tuscaloosa didn't buy into the last show here, I think this would be totally fun to watch in person. Sadly, me and David Smith might be the only attenders.

I have no idea what this abstract advertisement with lightning, drowning, old people, and the Gulf Coast has to do with anything. It appears to be a film trailer for a company called Roaring Creek Films, who must have something to do with the camera work. This is all GCW-based ads, by the way. This is considered a “paid program,” so all of the ads are paid for in advance.

Johnny cuts a promo, a conspiracy promo. He is doing a storyline with anger for Russo. The ref, not the booker he might've dealt with in TNA. He ends with a catchphrase, “Swing Time.”

And Fast Eddie Layne is the commish. And he passively-aggressively notes his dislike of tasers, so something is happening. He is not fining anybody, but there would be repercussions for tasers. Because they're electric shock! And a plug for the Graysville show! And a Pell City plug!

And we have “Ask El Professor.” This is basically the “Ask the Divas” segment except this is trying to be humorous. He suggests smashing the window for a girl. He has a Twitter! I'll have to send him one question for next week. Something about pants.

It is 1:00 AM and we get a ref Rob Russo interview. This might be a little poorly paced, but this at least keeps the storylines succinct. And we're getting our main event next, so the pacing is better than thought. So basically, there are two storylines.

Still, it does seem a bit off that we've had only three in-ring people involved in the last 25 minutes. Least this isn't Impact, though.

A repeat of the film company ad.

The main event is for the GCW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE. This seems to be getting some time, too. There's 25 minutes. The Pell City show promotes BULLET BOB and BRAD ARMSTRONG in ring action. Bob Armstrong is pushing 70. What balls he has. Or lack of brains. Or lack of funds.

Sgt. Hammer is a heel, I suppose. Rather interesting to have a sergeant heel in Alabama. And a friendly black guy without dancing or rapping as a gimmick win the first match. Maybe times have changed?

SGT. HAMMER has the longest entrance ever. It is 1:08 and he is now ready. And he's yelling to the fans. ADAM ROBERTS is the holder of “Ultimate NWA Championship.” It took 40 minutes to find out that the annoying manager from the first segment was called The Equalizer. I presume Adam Roberts is not winning this belt. And there's a fat guy in a suit and a mask! (Howard C. Cross is his name, apparently.) Wrestling is great sometimes.

Oh, Rudy Charles is the ref! I legit want to meet him. Seems like a nice guy, and knows his shit about how to play incompetent well, which is something refs should do.

1:12 AM, the belt is raised and the match is on until end of television time. I'm surprised this isn't a brawl start, but we'll see where it goes. Zbyszko stalling and taunts with a couple of grapples but nothing match. Certainly paced like a main event. Lots of Roberts kicks and punches and so on. And weird punches by him. A bit weak, honestly. A post shot rather early. “A nice slam on the concrete floor.” This is a gym floor, which makes me smile, so hopefully there's a little give, please. Please guys, don't be stupid with the bumps.

This is all within five minutes of the match, by the way.

“Just sitting right there on the meniscus,” Sawyer says.

Lots of post shots and a case shot. A bit too much heel beatdown although nice babyface fire.

“Let's see how high Rudy Charles can count!” El Prof says.

Heel case shots while the ref is turned and the Hammer wins. I suppose there's a final angle coming, since this is 1:23 AM.

Or not? We're back in the commentary booth and we're going off the air. Next week will have MEAN MIKE POSEY. Yes, I think that's the former WWE ref. And the GCW Tag Titles on the line. This is as easy as some of the WWECW shows, so I think I'll come back next week. Nothing mindblowing or anything, but simple local wrestling's got a place on my TV.

WWE: The Best of Smackdown - 10th Anniversary 1999-2009